Caught In The Rye
by Cyrano of Notre Dame
Summary: Holden meets a mysterious boy with a dark past in Central Park. Can he save him and come to terms with his feelings for him? Rated for language.warning!Holden AU slash! Reviews and suggestions are greatly needed and appreciated!
1. Chapter 1 : Leo

**Leo**

* * *

********

Disclaimer

: I own nothing but the characters I invent. All else is the property of the late great J.D Salinger!

* * *

Holden was cold , he felt sick and was lonely , but the cold was what he felt the most. He was walking through central park in the dead of night in winter , how could he not feel lonely and cold? He was sick because he'd just been beaten by a pimp for no real reason , he'd paid hadn't he? And he didn't even do anything!

"Sometimes the world is so screwed up." he thought bitterly .

After the beating he had decided to go for a walk , to God knows where , just for the sake of walking , clearing his head. He still had on that stupid red hunting hat he liked so much , it kept him warm and he didn't give a shit what people thought about it. His thoughts evaporated when he saw a man , no wait ,, a teenager , sitting alone on a park bench under a street lamp. The kid didn't look up as Holden walked closer .

"You mind if I sit here?" he asked , he figured he'd try to strike up a conversation with him , he had nothing better to do.

" No , go ahead." the stranger said , looking at Holden for the first time.

Holden looked back as he sat down next to him. He was young , about Holden's age , maybe slightly younger. He was tall for his age , and lean , not unlike Holden himself. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a black winter coat. Holden thought it was strange that in spite of the chill night the stranger wore no hat. His hair was relatively short , a deep black , and wavy , almost curly in some places.

" I like your hat." the kid said , smiling , showing rows or brilliantly white teeth.

His smile was genuine , youthful , and warm.

" Thanks ," Holden replied , " I got in Colorado , my dad takes me hunting there sometimes." he lied " why do I do that?" he asked himself , " Jesus Christ! Lying's just like breathing to me , I don't even think about it." ,

" Nice." the new kid said , smiling again.

Holden noticed his eyes , they were large on his lean face , they were so deep , so alive. But he couldn't have told you their color if his life depended on it. His eyes shone with an inner light that refused to be limited and labeled to only on color.

" My name's Leo by the way." the kid said , sticking out his hand to shake , " Leo Jacobson".

" God he's handsome." Holden thought to himself , Holden was being honest and this mental observation didn't strike him as " flitty' at all.

" I'm Holden." he said , shaking Leo's hand.

" God! what happened to your face?" , Leo asked noticing the dried blood on his nose.

" Got in a bar fight , what happened to yours?" Holden replied grinning.

Leo laughed , a youthful , careless , beautiful laugh.

" Ok , I get it , it's personal." he said .

" So what are you doing on a goddamn park bench at one in the morning?" Holden asked , changing the subject.

" Oh , .. Just figured , I'd sit and wait." Leo answered.

Holden could see he didn't want to talk about it so he dropped the subject. He hated it when people got in other peoples business.

" Well , actually , I got locked out of my place." Leo said , suddenly reviving the matter , " So I've got no place to got till morning." '

"Ah." said Holden thoughtfully , he couldn't believe what he was about to say , but he said it ,

" I've got a hotel room , it's pretty crapy , but it's warm" , he offered , a little worried that Leo would think it was weird , that he was some kind of flit or something , " You could stay there , if you want." he finished , making sure he was understood.

Leo just looked at him.

"Seriously?" he asked ,

" Yeah , if you want to…" ,

" Yeah , that would be great , thanks!" Leo said smiling that warm smile of his.

They walked back to the hotel , it was a long walk but they had a lot to talk about. Leo seemed very interested in Holden's life , he asked him all kinds of questions. Holden told him everything , about getting kicked out of the phony academy , about getting beat up by Stradlater , even the real reason his face was messed up. Which was odd because usually Holden would have lied his ass off and not thought a thing of it. Leo didn't seem to like talking about himself , all Holden was able to find out was that Leo was sixteen , even though he looked younger despite his height , and that he hated movies almost as much as Holden did. Leo said he liked plays , the old kind written by the brilliant deceased. Finally they reached the dilapidated hotel. Holden lead Leo up the stairs to his room and told him to make himself at home. Holden went into the bathroom to wash the blood off his face. When he came back in Leo had taken off his jacket and shoes and was sitting on the bed.

"We can , um.. Share the bed , I guess." Holden faltered.

Why was he suddenly so awkward? He wasn't a flit and he figured Leo wasn't either , so why should his face turn red when he saw Leo lay down comfortably and put his hands behind his head? Leo didn't seem uncomfortable in the least , he just laid there on the far side of the old mattress looking at the ceiling and said ,

" Thanks' a lot man. I was freezing my ass off out there."

" No problem", Holden said as he turned off the light and crawled in next to Leo.

He wanted to give Leo all the room he could , but that wasn't much , the bed was small and there was only one pillow for the two of them. There was about half a foot of air between their bodies , and even less separating their faces. Holden couldn't sleep , his mind was frantic. He was lying in bed next to a guy his own age and he was nervous ,and his heart was beating overtime. That was only supposed to happen when you were with a girl. As much as he tried to think , to rationalize it away , he just kept coming back this one , barley coherent , renegade , thought , " Leo felt warm." . even though they weren't touching Holden could feel the heat pulsing from him. Without knowing why , Holden wanted to hug Leo , to lay on top of him , touch him , anything to be closer to that tender heat.

Leo's mind was in no such frenzy. He had a warm place to sleep for the night and he was happy . That amazing smile ran across his lips as he drifted to sleep without a care in the world.

* * *

P.S

A Catcher in the Rye slash fanfiction.. Ill concieved idea , I know , but most of my ideas are!

P.P.S

If you don't review this Your a phony moron!

jk, jk


	2. Chapter 2 : Bad Dreams

**Bad Dreams**

* * *

********

Disclaimer

: I own nothing but the characters I invent. All else is the property of the late great J.D Salinger!

* * *

Holden woke up , suddenly but not violently , his body didn't move at all , only his eyes shot open to stare at the ceiling. And , as sometimes occurs when a sleeper is awakened , his perception was clear and very sharp , every sense rested and now suddenly fully alert. He noted that it was still dark but not completely so , New York city is never truly dark just as it is never truly quiet. If the day should come when all of New York city is mute and unlit there is indeed great cause for panic.

Secondhand orange light filtered down through the smudged window onto the carpet. Distant cars hummed and roared at each other on the free way. Holden was aware of all of these things before he was aware that he was warm. His mind had not yet caught up with his senses and consequently his current temperature made little sense to him. It was winter and he was in an only semi-heated hotel room , not even under the cover but laying on top of them , true , he was in his clothes but the warmth was in a specific area , a certain region of his chest , and a pressure or weight accompanied it. Then he realized it , Leo was the source of the heat he felt. He turned his head slightly and saw that Leo was laying on his side with almost half of his upper body pressed up against himself. Leo's head was sleeping comfortably on Holden's shoulder. In the instant of processing this sight Holden had a strange , but accurately descriptive , thought,

" He looks like a little kid hugging a stuffed animal." and he did , just like a sleepy child clutching an oversized stuffed animal , only he was sixteen and that " animal" was Holden.

If anyone could have seen Holden's face at that moment they would have thought he'd seen a ghost and was in great fear for his life. His eyes opened still wider as if to scream at the unresponsive , and chipping , ceiling. The comfort he had formerly felt when awakening to the sensation of warmth was replaced by a much more powerful form of the agitation he'd fallen asleep to.

" Oh God! Oh God! What do I do? I'm not a flit , I like girls , women!" ,

these thoughts screamed through his mind on a loop like a broken record. The reason for this was that ,even though he wouldn't admit it , not even in thought, it felt good , so good. Leo was snuggled up against him , half embracing him , in his sleep. His face was the same calm and serene like it had been since Holden had met him , a faint smile graced his lips , it seemed , perpetually. Leo 's breaths were those of one contentedly sleeping , even and shallow. Holden could feel his warm sweet breath on his cheek , his face tingled with it. By now his mind was fully functioning , he reasoned that Leo had just rolled over in his sleep and if he had woken up instead of himself he would be just as freaked out. After some mental debate he decided to go back to sleep and try to forge the whole thing , he'd contemplated squirming out of Leo's embrace but he didn't dare wake him, or at least that's what he told himself, he could never admit that he wanted Leo there and never wanted him to leave. As he was getting ready to sleep again Leo stirred against him. His eyebrows were furrowed and it was clear that he was experiencing some manner of nightmare. He snuggled closer to Holden , murmuring in his unpleasant dream.

"This is wrong! So wrong!" he screamed in his head , but he liked , it loved it in fact , and that made it that much more " wrong".

Leo's murmurings became louder and more articulate ,

" um,.. No, no , Stop, no , please don't ,.." was all Holden was able to make out.

Leo gripped Holden tighter and he could see that Leo was in the middle of a particularly terrifying nightmare. Just as Holden was considering whether or not to wake Leo up , he did it himself. Leo shot up in bed yelling

"STOP!" in a voice that was more of a high pitched and desperate plea than a yell.

He held his head in his hands and closed hi eyes , sitting up in bed. He sighed deeply , but not a contented sigh , the sigh of someone defeated time and again by a terrible force he cannot hope to conquer.

"Leo?" Holden said , cautiously placing his hand on Leo's shoulder , " You ok?"

Leo was startled , he hadn't taken any notice of the boy right beside him , " um, .. Yeah , I'm fine. Just a bad dream." he answered , though he obviously wasn't.

"You were talking in your sleep."

Leo's eyes got big , " What did I say?" ,

"I didn't catch much , just 'no' and 'stop'." Holden answered a little concerned.

" Oh , ok" Leo was relieved.

" What did you dream about?" Holden asked.

" um… I'd rather not say it's … personal."

" Oh, ok."

Holden really wanted to know what was going on. He'd always wanted to , needed to help people , even if most of them were petty morons. A couple of years ago his mother had taken him to see a shrink to see if he could diagnose why Holden couldn't stay in one school for more than three weeks. An old guy basically talked his ear off for an hour each week and charged for it. The psychiatrist hadn't been able to discover a specific reason for Holden's " behavioral problems" , but he had found something else. He called it a hero complex. He said that Holden showed a pattern of trying to save himself by saving others , that even though his own issues were too much for him to deal with he would go out of his way to solve other people's problems. And maybe he did have a " Hero Complex" , but that didn't matter now. All he knew was that something was bothering this kid , ( Holden called Leo "kid" even though they were the same age), something was hurting and scarring him , and Holden wanted to save him from it , either to save himself through him , or because he had already grown attached to Leo even though they were complete strangers a few hours ago.

"Could it wait till morning?" Leo asked suddenly ,

he had grown attached to Holden too and already thought of him as a friend. Leo felt like he could trust him , he had a thing for knowing when to trust someone , he was a people person.

" I'll tell you everything in the morning Holden." Leo said softly.

"If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to , I understand."

" No , I want to , just not tonight , I'm tired."

Holden nodded and they both went back to their respective sides of the bed. Holden's mind eventually grew tired and he fell asleep , but Leo didn't , he was busy thinking , thinking about what he was going to say tomorrow. He laid like that for what seemed like half the night. He listened to the soft , regular breaths that issued from Holden's lips and knew him to be sound asleep. Leo rolled over to look at him. He looked so peaceful , one of his eyes was still swollen but that didn't detract from the serenity of his face.

" What are you doing?" , Leo thought to himself, " He'd hate you if he knew everything." Leo sighed , " Besides , you don't even know him , he'd kick your ass if he knew how you felt about him. Just tonight he was with a hooker , a girl hooker , wasn't he?" Leo tried to quiet these thoughts but they were only subdued with sleep. Just as he was about to fall asleep , at that moment when you feel contented and very comfortable , when you know you'll be sound asleep in a few minuets , he turned over and laid next to Holden like he'd done before. He smiled and went to sleep with his head resting on the warm , soft , crook of Holden's shoulder.

* * *

P.S

FYI , this is an AU fanfic , I will deviate from the book

P.P.S

I loved the book! Holden whoo!


	3. Chapter 3 : In the Morning

**Leo's Story**

* * *

********

Disclaimer

: I own nothing but the characters I invent. All else is the property of the late great J.D Salinger!

* * *

An ambulance siren sounded in the street below and Holden was jerked away from his dreams. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. He felt hung-over , without the consolation of knowing he'd been having a good time drinking the night before , the worst kind of hangover. The beating of the night before probably had somthing to do with it.

He'd had this weird dream , he'd met this handsome , mysterious , kid with black hair. They'd talked and he took him back to his room with him. They shared the bed and Holden woke up ( in his dream) , to find the boy hugging him in his sleep like a frightened child. He vaguely remembered watching the kid sleep and thinking how beautiful he was...

Jesus Christ! Did he just describe another boy as " beautiful"?

" Wrong! Wrong!" he repeated in his head over and over again.

Slowly , as he gained coherence and his eyes cleared , he realized it wasn't a dream , it was a memory. Though there was no evidence in the shabby hotel room to support this conclusion. Holden was alone in the room , the sheets were ruffled , but that was all. Leo's shoes , coat , and Leo were gone. A sickening blow of despair and loneliness hit Holden's mind.

" What was I thinking?" , he asked the air , " He probably woke up , realized how flitty it looked , two guys in the same bed , and got the hell out."

Though he hadn't given the feeling voice , not even in the whisper of a thought , he loved Leo , loved him and wanted to help him with whatever it was that was hurting him. But none of that mattered now because he was gone , and Holden would probably never see him again.

Just then the door knob turned and Leo walked in the room ,

" I got Breakfast." he said , holding up a brown paper bag.

" God , he's beautiful." Holden was so relived and happy to see him that he didn't even think about how " wrong" it was that he just thought of Leo as beautiful again.

" Sort of a thank-you for letting me crash here." He avoided the word " sleep" .

" Oh , sure , no problem."

They sat on the bed and ate. Two hot dogs and two cups of coffee passed for breakfast.

" So about last night.." Leo said as they finished , " I told you that I'd tell you why I was screaming…" ,

" You don't have to if you don't feel like it." Holden replied.

" No , I want to." Leo said looking into Holden's eyes. " It's kind of a long story , so I'll start at the beginning …"

" My dad left when he found out that my mom was pregnant , so I've never seen him. I was born in Brooklyn , my mom was an actress and had two other jobs so I never saw he much either. I grew up like a normal kid , we had enough , food and money wise and my mom was great. I went to school , had friends , all that stuff. I was happy. That changed one day when I was twelve , four years ago. I had this one friend , Bruce , his family was worse off than mine and he was always looking to make a buck , one day he made twenty…"

Leo's voice trailed off , and just as Holden was about to insist that he not tell the story because it was obviously painful , he continued ,

" One day after school he told me we could make a few dollars unloading crates for some grocery store , I agreed and we went. He took me to a part of Brooklyn that I'd never been in before. We came to a alley with a couple of doors on either side , I figured one of them was to the grocery store. Bruce went over to one and knocked , it was opened from the inside and we went in. It was dark and I couldn't see anything , before I knew what the hell was going on there was a piece of cloth tied around my mouth and eyes. I felt the tip of a knife touch my back and was told to "go" by someone behind me. I was lead to some stairs , the last thing I heard before going down the steps was Bruce asking someone

" You got the money?" ,

and a guy answered , " Yeah , twenty , like we agreed."

I was led down the steps and shoved onto a mattress. Whoever it was got on top of me and pulled my shirt off , I tried to struggle but I could still feel the knife on my skin. Then he pulled of my pants and underwear. I felt him leave and I heard him say ,

" If you move your dead!" I was laying there gagged and naked and I was so scared. I heard a mechanical clicking sound. The bastard was taking Polaroid's of me."

By now Leo's eyes were drowning in tears that he tried to keep back ,and his voice was broken and uneven.

" He ... raped me , and beat me , it seemed like for hours , I tried to scream but nothing came out. I kept trying to say " stop" , "please" , anything , but I couldn't. I was crying. When it was finally over I was lead up the stairs and thrown out the door into the alley with my clothes thrown after me. When I saw Bruce the next day he acted like nothing happened. I couldn't tell anyone , and I didn't , until now. Last night , I had a dream about it."

Water was pouring from Leo's eyes but he wasn't allowing himself to cry , he just sat there looking at the wall. Without thinking Holden grabbed Leo and hugged him tight. He whispered,

" I'm so sorry , so , so sorry." repeatedly. Leo cried freely for the first time on Holden's shoulder , feeling relieved at telling someone after all these years , but mostly because Holden didn't think he was sick or anything. That's what he thought would happen.

" It's ok , It's ok." Holden said , rubbing Leo's back trying to soothe him ,

it worked , after about ten minuets of crying Leo pulled away and looked at Holden.

" Thanks" was all he could manage to say.

" No problem." Holden replied.

The beautiful scene was ended when a heavy fist , matched with a heavy voice , slammed on the door,

" Open up!".

Holden left the bed and opened the door , he half expected it to be Maurice there to beat the rest of his money out of him. It wasn't. Holden opened the door and a fat , middle aged , man thrust himself into the room. He was wearing a cheap suit adorned with the stains of various foods and condiments like helter skelter polka dots.

" You the one who paid for this room?" he demanded of Holden , pointing a large greasy finger at him.

" Yeah , so what?"

Holden made no attempt to hide the anger and annoyance in his voice. Leo , someone he already cared about even though they barely knew each other , had just poured out his soul to him about a painful and scarring event in hi life , and then when he should still be comforting him this moron bursts in and asks dumb questions!

" You got to get out , now!" the fat man said. " We've gotten complaints about you and you have to leave."

" Complaints?" Holden couldn't believe what he was hearing , he hadn't done anything " I paid for this room , and I'll stay if I god damn fell like it!" , anyone else but Holden would have checked their voice and words in the face of such an imposing authority figure , but he was far from checking anything , this idiot had just ruined one of the truly beautiful moments of his life.

" Complaints about fighting going on in this room in the middle of the night , complaints from the whole god dam floor about yelling and crashes. You paid for the night , and it's my hotel , and I'll throw you out if I god dam feel like it!"

By now the apparent proprietor of the hotel was livid , and his face showed it.

"Why you lousy son of a -" , Holden was interrupted by Leo's hand on his shoulder and his voice in his ear ,

"Let it go." he whispered , then in a louder voice Leo addressed the owner ,

" We were just about to leave this shit hole , to many , RATS!" ,

he yelled rather than said the name of the aforementioned rodent and only two people on the whole floor didn't hear it.

Holden already had his few belongings in a suit case and Leo had none. They were able to get out quickly , easily avoiding the owner who blundered after them choking on barley articulate curses. They stumbled out the main entrance laughing like deranged , sugar high , toddlers.

" Did you see his face?" , Holden managed between spasms of laughter.

" Did you see his ass! It's a miracle he can walk!" Leo returned.

The owner could walk , and he recently used that ability to peruse Holden and his companion , he was now at the front door. The two boys just laughed and ran away , turning around every so often to spite the winded man. The owner , realizing he couldn't catch them , settled for hurling obscenities in their general direction. He combined several swears to form colorful names for the two , he expressed his ideas concerning what line of work their respective mothers pursued , he called into serious question the legitimacy of their births , and concluded by articulating his sincere desire that they both take up permanent residence in a certain subterranean locale know for it's hot climate and extremely low levels of precipitation. Holden and Leo had come down from their mad euphoria concerning the owner of the hotel and were walking contentedly and without direction down the sidewalk.

" So where are you gonna go now?" Leo asked after a while.

" I dunno , some place ritzier than that dump," he made a gesture in the " dumps" general direction , " the sewer maybe!"

after the joke had received an appropriate amount of laughter he added ,

" I don't know really."

" You could stay at my place a while , I should be able to get in now." Leo looked at Holden hopefully , " You know , return the favor."

Which he did want to do , but mainly he wanted to just be around Holden.

" Sure , sounds great!" Holden wanted the same thing ,

"Ok , it's a bit of a walk.". They took the side streets and alleys they both knew so well , it was faster and less populated.

The winter day was still bitterly cold and their footsteps were the only ones that had been on the street all morning. With his heart pounding Leo put his left arm around Holden as they walked. The action could be interpreted as a friendly gesture , but they knew it meant more. Leo worried , afraid he'd gone too far and this guy he met only last night , but had already grown attached to , would freak out , call him a flit , and run away. Holden imitated Leo and put his arm on the other boy's shoulders. They probably looked stupid , walking like that , but that didn't give a damn.

* * *

P.S

So whatd'ya think? Suggestions and reviews are always needed.

P.P.S

Do you think Leo's past is too dark/horrible? just curious..


End file.
